Chelsea Peretti
@ChelseaVPeretti
One of the greats!
In 2 hours I'm taking the Virgin Galactic to play a week at Laughlactics Comedy Club and Zero Gravity Showroom I gotta get off the road
RT @mindykaling: I wish I had never heard Crazy In Love and it came out for the first time this morning
I block people who tweet me to go to bed. The expression "bitch u not my daddy" comes to mind
RT @samleardi: Tell your parents and siblings how much they mean to you today. Give them an extra hug if you can.
That sucks when people pronounce human you-min
Once you're home, sit in your car outside for at least 40 minutes. IT'S THE LAW.
RT @JoeMande: When a person "ats" me on Twitter with nothing to say, I assume it's a death threat.
RT @ImprovComedyLA: Don't miss tonight's 10pm show featuring @ChelseaVPeretti & @nickkroll 43! Tix are just $14! http://t.co/IfibW8XrLL
I'm doing great!
There was a Metamucil sponsored ad w Eric Sermon youtube video 😁😰😩😭💀
"You're quite hostile." "I got a right to be hostile." "YOU'RE QUITE HOSTILE." "I GOT A RIGHT TO BE HOSTILE."
A lesbian shotgun wedding is avoidable
I've been tearing out pictures of furniture from catalogs for 3 hours if anyone's interested in a fun new friend!!! 😜😜😜
LET THE GREAT BATTLE BEGIN #CHEEZUS http://t.co/rKdupyYfNI
RT @MC_Sanderson: Hilarious quote from @ChelseaVPeretti podcast on the movie Crash "Is that the one with Zoe Saldana and the guy who uses b…
What do people with high self-esteem fuck like
TONITE 9pm at @LargoLosAngeles w sworn enemy @peteholmes + dear dear friend @billburr 12 BRING HARD CANDIES AND OPEN THEM DURING PETE'S SET!
IMPROV ON MELROSE TONITE AT 10PM w boo boos @JoeMande @nickkroll 43 & @byronbowers oooooOooOOOooo
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