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Thanks for the follow @RealJackSwagger. You really piss Budweiser? You must be great at a BBQ!
You have to fill out more paperwork when buying a car than when you have a child. @tempeimprov
RT @melissabring: If you appreciate a good #docu then please take 2 min to watch #strippeddocu - please RT http://t.co/6rSkmzimLX
I think I just saw an IRS guy sitting in the bushes with binoculars.
@McDonalds may name a new apple pie after all the @DetroitRedWings turnovers. Puck possession! Go Wings!
I've heard farts & seen feathers but no fart feathers! RT @SarahKSilverman 2 Hey fart feathers,I'll be at @Just_For_Laughs in Montreal in July
I'm turning in to my dad. I just pulled my own finger. @tempeimprov May 31 - June 2. http://t.co/a7rb3YSBre
Right here @tempeimprov RT @A_BrAndNeWCHiCK Whatever happened to predictibility,the milkman,the paperboy,evening TV. http://t.co/DaOowYdYZS
I'll see your "Woo hoo!!!" and raise you one! RT @Amyers0711 @tempeimprov Woo hoo!!! http://t.co/DaOowYdYZS
I'll see your "Woo hoo!!!" and raise you one! RT @Amyers07111h @tempeimprov Woo hoo!!! http://t.co/DaOowYdYZS
Full House fans! Standup comedy fans! I'm in Phoenix next week May 31-Jun 2 @tempeimprov All tour dates here: http://t.co/DaOowYdYZS
Cut It Out! http://t.co/fwRsvZQ58N
Mary Kate and Ashley...I'm so sorry. http://t.co/lngCJoOV01
And I meant to add: ...and just watch @DetroitRedWings games.
Somedays, I feel so lazy that I just wish I could walk around in my underpants all day.
@michaelrollings Text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10 to Red Cross Disaster relief.Text FOOD to 32333 donate $10 Oklahoma City Food Bank
Sending positives to all of those in Oklahoma.
Could be an octopi on the ice soon!!! @DetroitRedWings
Before you can "Rent To Own" @JohnStamos 24 you'll need to get a "PreStamos" in Salt Lake City. http://t.co/mTxR6TYTRb
RT @thekeithstubbs: @DaveCoulier does the best Super Dave Osborne impression ever on @stubbscast. You gots to hear it. Funny.
RT @thekeithstubbs: Tune in Monday for the Stubbscast with guests comedian @DaveCoulier & @JohnTheCho (Star Trek) @stubbscast Not Bad...
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