Writer, proud Texan, asshole and owner of 2 dogs.
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I'm pro-gun ownership for safe, responsible people, but mostly because I'm so anti-being-buttfucked-in-my-own-home-by-an-intruder.
Grandpa's email FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: RT @SarahPalinUSA: I’ll be on Hannity tonight to talk about Duck Dynasty and the quacks at A&E
If you told me 20 years ago Shia LaBeouf would plagiarize a novella and a Yahoo! Answers user on Twitter, I'd be really fucking confused.
Ugh! It's almost the 4th anniversary of Charlie Sheen choking his wife in Aspen and I haven't even started decorating!
Pretty funny that a homophobic statement was made by a guy whose money comes from blowing in tiny dildo-shaped tubes that summon ducks.
It's weird seeing R. Kelly's name in headlines, mostly because he should be in prison for being a sex offender instead of making new music.
This is the time of year when Buzz from 'Home Alone' really gets to shine. #IWouldntLetYouSleepInMyRoomIfYouWereGrowingOnMyAss
What a pussy... RT @usweekly: Brad Pitt "doesn't want to talk about" his 50th birthday
Keith Richards is 70 today, which is the biggest "fuck you" to anyone who brags about living a non-smoking, non-alcoholic, anti-drug life.
PIPPA MIDDLETON IS ENGAGED!!! SOMEONE BETTER TELL ME WHAT SHE WORE WHEN HER BOYFRIEND PROPOSED OR I'LL FIGHT DAME JUDI DENCH TO THE DEATH!!!
"Girl, you put the 'tuna' in 'unfortunate'." Is a pretty cool thing to say to a chick to get her not to fuck you.
When Meat Loaf sings, 'I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)' I think we all know he's talking about butt stuff.
If you ever feel bad about yourself, just remember Brad Pitt has Billy Bob Thornton's sloppy seconds.