Comedian, talk show host and ice road trucker. My tweets are real, an1
Y'all are some of my favorite tweeters w/ some of my favorite tweets! See if you made my Weekly Tweetly Roundup http://t.co/PyNFAORcim
Happy birthday, @GluteusMike! Have a great day. I know how much you love being in your birthday suit.
Paul Walker's passing is so sad. I'm thinking of his family. Keep the people you love close to you.
I'm holding on to my feeling of gratitude from yesterday. I'm also holding on to this laptop until this lady admits I grabbed it first.
I'm out to get some Black Friday deals and I'm first in line! I can't believe there's nobody else at this Blockbuster yet.
Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! I'm stuffed, and one of my nieces covered me with silly string. I look like I'm ready for the Macy's parade.
If you want to know what I'm most thankful for, it's getting to do things like this. http://t.co/RKWO0PN8GO
Y'all give me lots to be thankful for, so I'm giving you something! One of you will come to my 12 Days of Giveaways http://t.co/C4JWpzlsov
What do you get if you drop a pumpkin on the ground? Squash. #ClassicThanksgivingJokeWednesday
I wanted to help with your to-do list, so I made your Thanksgiving seating arrangement. What can I say? I'm a giver. http://t.co/Whg2nNedli
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi. #ClassicThanksgivingJokeWednesday
Turn your Thanksgiving into an Ellen dance party! Get my CD here. Or talk about types of cranberry sauce. Up to you. http://t.co/5ESHm76kGx