If you think that your life is going by too fast get a baby and become a human baby swing. #WatchingTheDamnClock
Angelina Jolie is heroic today because she forced us men to think about and even talk about something very uncomfortable. Our wives health.
If a new mom says "Let's take the baby down to the beach and walk around". Just say "Anything you want". She will be asleep in 15 minutes.
Happy Mothers Day Weekend up in here. Up in here. http://t.co/7tWT2CVddJ
Other Old Dads: It's a bad sign if you spend more time lying down than your 5 week old.
When I was 17 I dreamed about having this really cool realistic space ship simulator I saw on TV. Jax's little baby swing is exactly like it
My employees are like family which explains why one of them just took a dump in my bathroom and forgot to flush.