Author of three NY Times best sellers including I Hope They Serve Bee1
Paul George just broke Lebrons ankles, then dunked on Birdman. My basketball fantasies aren't even that amazing
@DrewFranklinKSR I stood up and slow clapped that line. FYI--I'm in the lobby of The Peninsula in NYC. Old rich people are super confused
@DrewFranklinKSR "I wonder if it shows up 15 mins late every morning and steals french fries and bacon strips out of the window, too." Bravo
I misread the headlines that Tim Tebow came out as gay. Which makes perfect sense. Instead he's out of football. Which also makes sense.
Tim Tebow gets cut & the first gay pro athlete comes out, on the SAME day? So either God is dead, or he's finally taking mercy on us
Come see the Broadway play based on my first book & I'll buy you a beer. For real: http://t.co/DCrBaZ1nxX
Everyone who goes to "I Hope They Serve Beer on Broadway" opening weekend gets a free drink from me, no joke: http://t.co/WfnqqUt22t
@BastardKeith My nastiest dirtiest sexual fantasy? Me with only one woman for the rest of my life
Boston, great job & super glad you're all safe. But I still hate all your sports teams and actively root against them, like all Americans
My first book is being turned into a Broadway play, and beer will be served. Seriously: http://t.co/ioVFUwFk4D
Just saw a black midget, debating how much of a person he is. help me out, what's 1/2 times 3/5?
The only Harlem Shake video I'll watch is Montel Williams trying to walk down stairs
If you enjoy watching Harlem Shake videos, don't ever complain about "stupid people." You're one of them