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B.j. Novak
@bjnovak
One time Larry David was seated at a table behind me at a restaurant.1
"Stock Photo of Type of Person I Would Love to Be (Non-Celeb)" http://t.co/xuEwaZ4EfH #BoutGame
If I were Pitbull I would be very, very careful to never say or do anything that could be misconstrued as an "attack"
Explain to me how you can be a lone ranger if you're constantly with another guy
@coffee_dad happy father's day
RT @icecubetray: I wish I could go back in time and warn Aaliyah that the Dr. Doolittle soundtrack is not an appropriate home for "Are You …
I bet the parties at Monsters University are fucking insane
@jennafischer myspace me if you're running late 4 dinner
iPhones imagine us in an abstracted world of self-awareness & emotional cowardice in which we are always ducking happy, ducking furious
iPhones think that everyone is always ducking this, and ducking that
Time to watch Blurred Lines another thousand times
A few extra tickets just released for the standby line tonight (6/13) at the UCB show in NY. 8pm http://t.co/824Dh9ZARt
"That's the greatest trick I ever played, in your opinion? Really? Huh... You didn't like the other tricks?" - the devil, standup comedian
RT @NPRAskMeAnother: A quick reminder of our guests for @SummerStage this Friday: @bjnovak, @davidwain 2, @nellie_mckay, @KBAndersen, and @An…
"Life" is a pretentious name for a cereal
RT @davidstassen: Little known fact: Meryl Streep sits courtside at every San Antonio Spurs game.
PRISM sounds like a J.J. Abrams series
Apple please tell me that is not really your new font
"Is this cool enough to wear to a concert with Ad-Rock?? Really??? I won't look like a dork????" -@mindykaling 56, inventor of #anxiousbrag
Maybe China is reading our emails to see if we plan on paying back all that money we borrowed from them
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