Still waiting to be scouted at the mall.
@aprilmacie Laughing out loud listening to your Howard interview! Well done!
Whenever I find out an actress is vegan all I can think about is the fact that she wears plastic shoes.
When a friend asks u 2 b a bridesmaid, she's really saying, "Gv me a check 4 a $1,000 & get ready to look pregnant in an empire waist skirt"
Somebody just paid 1.1 billion for pictures of my dog sitting in a freezer. #tumblr
Nothing kills an orgasm quite like thinking about the person you are actually having sex with.
My husband is bitching about how hard his life is. He just cut his thumb opening a crab leg.
When I'm in bed, I never like to lay too close to my husband bc I need it to be obvious when my dogs choose me over him.
Sometimes the only cure for insomnia is waking up the person sleeping next to you.
I feel like my poodles suck. Not a single trophy between the 2 of them. & we all know Harry, Jason's minpin is fucking useless:( #preakness
The people who own these horses own their jockeys too, right? #preakness