Still down to do The Amazing Race w my husband's ex. For nudes of my 1
@willienelson So impressed by you and your decision to cancel your performance at Sea World Orlando! Thank you for your voice.
Can't wait to hear Elton John's Candle In The Wind remix at the Mandela funeral.
On my way to my weekly couples therapy sesh with my husband. I may walk in with another dude just to spice things up.
Can we do a #throwbackthursday to a time when you didn't need strangers to know what you looked like in High School?
The new alarm tone on the iPhone makes me feel like I'm late for work in a Sandra Bullock movie.
Lets be honest, December is sort of the best time of year to cut ties with anyone who'd normally expect a gift.
Mistletoe: a great way to receive an unexpected kiss on the lips from your DWP meter reader.
How badly does Nicholas Brody wish he was still just chilling out on Nazeer's compound tutoring Isa? #homeland
Not going to be happy until a family of Amazon drones take up residence in my backyard and change my life Batteries Not Included style.
Thanks to whoever anonymously went on my registry and ordered me this breast pump. Can't wait to pump my breasts and be slightly weirded out
Christmas heads up: Don't try to return what I got you. There's a good chance the store won't know what you're talking about.
The only #leftovers at my house are my friends who will never find husbands.
You should buy everyone you know matching pajama pants. That'd be hilarious!
Can somebody please call my husband and talk him out of whatever weird Christmas gift he's thinking about buying me?