Still waiting to be scouted at the mall.
I feel like my poodles suck. Not a single trophy between the 2 of them. & we all know Harry, Jason's minpin is fucking useless:( #preakness
The people who own these horses own their jockeys too, right? #preakness
Did everyone in the world realize Rod Stewart was British but me?? #howard100
"Cant go back 2 my old gym bc I accidentally made some people fall in love w me. Also, I need more cardio" - me, at my Tracy Anderson intake
How awesome is it when a woman who isn't you gets a super short haircut!? :)
"You've got some nerve showing your face around here again."- my dog to my pool guy, EVERY WEEK
What's a good name for a mile high club where you only have anal? #airfrance
I never refer to my boobs as "the girls" because one of them is a boy.
Excuse me Monsieur, your date is skinnier than your tie. And I fucking love it! #cannes
Parking ur all chrome Ferrari in front of a hotel is the rich guy's equivalent of standing outside a minimart draped in a boa constrictor.
99% of the people here are a bigger deal than me. No choice but to bring cocaine to gain acceptance. #cannes