Brand new DVD 'Laughing and Joking' out now: http://t.co/A7602k4D1c
They’re right, Luke Friend does do something very unique. Not many people style their hair with Febreeze. #xfactor
There will soon be a £5k fine for adults who buy cigarettes for kids. That’s annoying. What am I going to get my nieces for xmas now?
British teenage girls are the 2nd worst boozers in the world. Typical, if they weren’t out drinking all the time they might have come top.
EU chiefs ate caviar at a conference for global poverty. A visitor said ‘there was something revolting about this’. Yeah, it’s fish eggs.
A 23 year old spent £250k because she wanted to ‘live Barbie’s lifestyle’. What? She wanted to lie naked under a sofa wearing only one shoe?
I feel sorry for Dappy but it’s not all bad news. The horse has just won a BRIT Award for its services to music.
Dappy now has beef with a horse. Which is not something you usually get, unless you buy it from Tescos.
Dappy has been kicked in the face by a horse. God, that must have hurt. I send my best wishes and hope the horse gets better soon.
Freud said the necktie is a symbol for the penis. Presumably cos you can get long ones, short ones and ones covered in spots.
Nigella’s worried about her cooking career. She won’t be able to look at a cocktail sausage and 2 pickled walnuts without thinking of her ex
It’s December so I’ve put on my Christmas jumper. It’s a normal jumper just with Baileys and brandy butter down the front of it.
Thanksgiving chaos in USA as their turkeys weren’t fat enough. Either that or the turkeys were normal and this is an issue of scale.
Congratulations to Tom Daley on his new romance. I suppose it's good news & bad news. Tom Daley is not just out, he's out of your league.
Today is ‘Cyber Monday’. If you don’t know, Cyber Monday is the online Black Friday, which I think is the high street Pancake Tuesday.
The Class of '92 is out today. I was in that year but weirdly didn't get picked for the team. http://t.co/elJKyMYnfC
Jacko’s hat sold for £4k. I assume it came pre attached to his hair, nose and glasses.
Michael Jackson’s hat sold for 4k. So Michael Jackson was real?! I thought he was just a story made up to frighten naughty children.
Simon Cowell has had even more Botox. It's probably time to stop when your Madame Tussauds waxwork looks more lifelike than you do.
Fred Sanger has died. He was described as 'the father of DNA testing.' Yes but was he its REAL father? If only there was a way to check.
A man who won £148m on the lottery is divorcing his wife. He’s 43 bald and about 18 stone. Where’s he going to find another woman?