Brand new DVD 'Laughing and Joking' out now: http://t.co/A7602k4D1c
I’ll admit women moan less about coughs and cold than men. But what we've got isn't a cold. It's flu.
Happy birthday John Milton. I had to study Paradise Lost at school. It was hellish.
James Arthur has once again apologised to fans for his remarks. Fine James. But where's the apology for your album?
1960 Coronation Street’s first episode. The only soap that’s lasted longer is one in a Pete Doherty's bathroom.
I’m on The Royal Variety Performance tonight, no one was more surprised than me to get booked. I think I kept it clean.
Helen Flanagan says that Joey Essex is too stupid for her. Don't be stupid Helen.
563 AD the start of the Gothic War. Presumably it was Fields of the Nephalim versus Sister of Mercy.
They’re right, Luke Friend does do something very unique. Not many people style their hair with Febreeze. #xfactor
There will soon be a £5k fine for adults who buy cigarettes for kids. That’s annoying. What am I going to get my nieces for xmas now?
British teenage girls are the 2nd worst boozers in the world. Typical, if they weren’t out drinking all the time they might have come top.
EU chiefs ate caviar at a conference for global poverty. A visitor said ‘there was something revolting about this’. Yeah, it’s fish eggs.
A 23 year old spent £250k because she wanted to ‘live Barbie’s lifestyle’. What? She wanted to lie naked under a sofa wearing only one shoe?
I feel sorry for Dappy but it’s not all bad news. The horse has just won a BRIT Award for its services to music.
Dappy now has beef with a horse. Which is not something you usually get, unless you buy it from Tescos.
Dappy has been kicked in the face by a horse. God, that must have hurt. I send my best wishes and hope the horse gets better soon.
Freud said the necktie is a symbol for the penis. Presumably cos you can get long ones, short ones and ones covered in spots.
Nigella’s worried about her cooking career. She won’t be able to look at a cocktail sausage and 2 pickled walnuts without thinking of her ex
It’s December so I’ve put on my Christmas jumper. It’s a normal jumper just with Baileys and brandy butter down the front of it.
Thanksgiving chaos in USA as their turkeys weren’t fat enough. Either that or the turkeys were normal and this is an issue of scale.
Congratulations to Tom Daley on his new romance. I suppose it's good news & bad news. Tom Daley is not just out, he's out of your league.