i require ham.
Dear @lyft, please consider running a series of ads with the catchphrase, "DO YOU EVEN LYFT, BRO?!"
*Liam Neeson ambles up to woman at the bar* "Pardon me, miss. Is this seat....Taken?"
This Christmas if someone talks about how toddlers play with the bow more than the present it came from I will lose my shit.
I'm the guy in the movies whose fruit stand gets ANNIHILATED in the car chase and can only think to respond by yelling "HEY!"
What's your favorite Christmas carol in which the protagonists demand a dessert food, specifically figgy pudding?
*leaves happy home in utter ruins to start new life with Agent Provocateur window mannequin*
If this holiday gathering tonight doesn't offer tray-passed canapés I'm gonna go apeshit.
Subject line of an email I just received: Your order of "curd knife" has been dispatched.
If they remade The Empire Strikes Back now, those giant walking vehicles on Hoth would be called "@@s." That's it I'm done for today.
How is it possible that Santa Claus and the Jolly Green Giant have the exact same catchphrase?
Shout out to people who didn't get it and corrected me *Idol. Pun file.