i require ham.
My wife has a bottomless hole in her heart that she keeps trying to fill with decorative throw pillows.
1) get her number 2) wait 4 days to call 3) wait 2 days to return a text 4) always be the first to hang up 5) die alone
Monday morning lyric writing. Have a great week! http://t.co/tH0FAKKmqi
So lame. I was supposed to buy tumblr but then at the last minute yahoo outbid me by 1.099999995 billion dollars.
I'm so hip, old people have ME replacement surgery. Haha. I'm terrific.
I almost made a joke about someone masturbating a horse but then I found out the horse was real, not fictional, so I didn't. #class
I woke up too early and now I have to go back to sleep to finish the dream about the mean old lady and her dogs.
With my son. He got mad I didn't include his effort. Please have him play the theme at my funeral. On an ocarina.
If I ever die, please play the theme from Ordon Village at my funereal to commemorate the time I beat Twilight Princess over a weekend.
"You need an attitude adjustment. Are a fondue? Or a fondant?" I'm so sorry.
Look. We've gone over this time and time again. What don't you get? PAUL IS YOUR FAVORITE BEATLE!!
HOW COME NOBODY EVER PLAYS CHOPIN'S SONATA FOR PIANO NO. 2 IN B-FLAT MINOR OP 35 AT MY SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTIES?!
Can you even IMAGINE the posthumous shame of someone laying on a coroner's table knowing their unbleached butthole is near to be discovered?
Are you fucking kidding me?! This whole time I thought it was "Knights in White Satin." I'm so stupid. Sorry about me.