Michael Ian Black
Starting to think Jaden Smith might be the most elaborate prank Ashton Kutcher has ever played.
ENTERTAINING TIP: Lighting a bunch of candles makes a great substitute for having a personality.
Wasn't going to see "Fast and Furious 6" but the commercial shows a tank so I guess I'll be there opening night.
How come casino commercials never show haggard old people with oxygen tanks slumped over the sides of their Rascals playing slots?
Once joysticks sprouted more than one button, I gave up on videogames.
What if Subway not only helps you lose weight like Jared but also makes you look like Jared?
RT @MarkDuplass: Quick, easy: Text REDCROSS to 90999 and it will automatically give $10 to tornado victims. This is obviously worth it. Thx.
My Twitter feed has about 1.5% of Tumblr's users. Using Yahoo's valuations, it is therefore worth $16M. Currently accepting offers.
Just wanted to let you all know that your joke answers to my rhetorical questions are hilarious. Keep 'em coming!
Just realized you can't sing "Let's Call The Whole Thing Off" using tahini instead of tomatoes b/c everybody says tahini the same way! RT!!!
I know they get a lot of grief, but secretly we all think wine spritzers were a pretty good idea, right?
People talk about chickens coming home to roost like it's a bad thing, but I think it sounds heartwarming.