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Michael Ian Black
@michaelianblack
Noted expert
Starting to think Jaden Smith might be the most elaborate prank Ashton Kutcher has ever played.
ENTERTAINING TIP: Lighting a bunch of candles makes a great substitute for having a personality.
Consensus after my Twitter fight with @marcmaron 15 yesterday seems to be that we are both horrible cunts.
Wasn't going to see "Fast and Furious 6" but the commercial shows a tank so I guess I'll be there opening night.
How come casino commercials never show haggard old people with oxygen tanks slumped over the sides of their Rascals playing slots?
RT @546785ghu56: @marcmaron 15 settle down @michaelianblack is a nice guy and he's awesome on @BigBang_CBS
RT @fuckcarin: @kumailn who the fuck are you at all ugly faggot? look at your goddamn face where are the fascists when u need `em
RT @amandacimpeanu: @michaelianblack you have an offensive twitter account, your book is horrible, & don't know who would love it so leave …
Once joysticks sprouted more than one button, I gave up on videogames.
What if Subway not only helps you lose weight like Jared but also makes you look like Jared?
RT @MarkDuplass: Quick, easy: Text REDCROSS to 90999 and it will automatically give $10 to tornado victims. This is obviously worth it. Thx.
RT @Lin_Manuel: A happy ending in the midst of a disaster w/far too few. Hug your dogs and get tissues. Text Red Cross to 90999. http://t.c…
RT @paulscheer 6: DO SOMETHING - Here's how you can help those affected by the devastating tornadoes in Oklahoma: http://t.co/v8Kh2mx7vD
My Twitter feed has about 1.5% of Tumblr's users. Using Yahoo's valuations, it is therefore worth $16M. Currently accepting offers.
Just wanted to let you all know that your joke answers to my rhetorical questions are hilarious. Keep 'em coming!
Just to clarify: a shit show isn't a real thing, right?
Just realized you can't sing "Let's Call The Whole Thing Off" using tahini instead of tomatoes b/c everybody says tahini the same way! RT!!!
I know they get a lot of grief, but secretly we all think wine spritzers were a pretty good idea, right?
People talk about chickens coming home to roost like it's a bad thing, but I think it sounds heartwarming.
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