Michael Ian Black
Question I struggle with every day while getting dressed: is today the day I wear the scabbard?
So Tila Tequila sympathizes with Hitler? So what? I sympathize with John Goodman.
The best part of spending all day flying across the country is the low-grade nausea I have for hours after I arrive.
Starting to worry that my "I ♥ Liam Hemsworth" tattoo is looking dated.
RT @JoshMalina: I love my wife and kids. They’re like a second family to me.
"We’ll begin by joining a shipload of families journeying on the Mayflower in 1620. Yawn? I don’t think so. 1620 was a pretty awesome time"
"as your tour guide across time!" To order Rush Revere and the Brave Pilgrims" By Rush Limbarugh: http://t.co/EEXmoWUByM
"Hold on to your pointy triangle hats, because you can—with me, Rush Revere, seemingly ordinary substitute history teacher..."
"how our great country came to be? Meeting the people who made it all happen—people like you and me?"
"Well, you get the picture. But what if you could get the real picture—by actually going back in time and seeing with your own eyes... "
"Talk about a rock star—this guy wanted to protect young America so badly, he rode through those bumpy, cobblestone-y streets..."
"...Because I’ve always been the #1 fan of the coolest colonial dude ever, Paul Revere."
"Okay, okay, my name’s really Rusty—but my friends call me Rush. Rush Revere...."
Believe it or not, still on the ground. Starting to think I might need to order a SECOND breakfast! Lol. Too funny. #firstclass