Patton Oswalt
@pattonoswalt
Mr. Oswalt is a former wedding deejay from Northern Virginia.
RT @JoshMalina: Maybe if I join Scientology my wife will leave me and take the kids.
RT @evilgeeks: @pattonoswalt Thanks for the AWESOME show at the Fake Gallery tonight! http://t.co/Xrec1CCzmL
"I could make a MUCH nicer totem pole of dead bodies..." Martha Stewart, watching the opening of tonight's @NBCHannibal
RT @Flanazon: @pattonoswalt Do you remember this gem? I can't wait to read it. ;-) #giantwomen http://t.co/WLlaCAaWWV
RT @scottEweinberg: Please don't start listing funny women. Jerry Lewis is feeble-minded.
James Bond will return in SERIOUSLY, MY BALLS STILL HURT FROM THAT CASINO ROYALE ROPE-TORTURE BUSINESS.
What's this about Jerry Lewis saying women aren't fleeben flayvin hoygle blev (dies)?
RT @SnarkOnTap: Why is Tyler Perry heckling the President?
Wait -- did Tyler Perry heckle Obama? In his Madea costume? Wow, that's...oh, it was @medeabenjamin? Huh. Oh well.
Only thing worse than hecklers is when the club takes their side. An INFURIATING account from @walkinsauce: http://t.co/GSzn2CBwgF
RT @Puddinstrip: my mom was right, when it comes to my suicidal threats I'm SUCH a GG Allin
RT @TheWebbyAwards: Plans tonight? Now you have them - Watch the 17th Annual Webby Awards hosted by @pattonoswalt http://t.co/d3DCAXo1oD #w…
Very proud of my Critic's Choice Award nom. But I SINCERELY want Molly Shannon to win in my category. 'Cuz she crushed on ENLIGHTENED.
RT @JennyJohnsonHi5 15: Just ran into this grumpy fucker at LAX. @pattonoswalt http://t.co/uICVSka94D
"As you wish" -- Boba Fett, EMPIRE STRIKES BACK; Westley and The Grandfather, PRINCESS BRIDE
RT @grahamclark: Wife Swamp
"Scotch." "Performance tea." Why argue semantics? #Webbys
RT @jeffersongraham: On #TalkingYourTech, @pattonoswalt talks @redlettermedia, @parksandrecnbc and more. http://t.co/WCHk0z9Wjs
RT @BrianChurilla: I'm spending the afternoon working on something for @pattonoswalt. #underwraps #hushhush
RT @Splitsider: All the best moments from @PattonOswalt's Reddit AMA http://t.co/4M2guCfTfG
RT @shanenickerson: Kinda bummed that I haven't written a tweet funny enough to get @prodigalsam "inspired" yet.
United States
India
United kingdom
Canada
Australia
Brazil




