Mr. Oswalt is a former wedding deejay from Northern Virginia.
This is THE BEST true crime book I've read in a loooong time, and you can pre-order it now: http://t.co/ZkTl0T63nX
RT @anylaurie16: If I'd known my fetus was masturbating, I definitely would have aborted him.
"This is STORMTROOPER POOP!" -- STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE, trash compactor scene (deleted dialogue)
Hey Rep. Burgess -- I did NOT masturbate when I was a fetus. I didn't have any trouble getting laid 'til I turned 2.
RT @GerryDuggan: The NSA says it stopped a Wall Street attack, just not the ginormous ones the bankers perpetrated.
"Wayne vs. Bane! Insane Pain in da Sewer Drain!" -- Don King, DARK KNIGHT RISES (deleted scenes)
Yes, I CAN suck my own dick. It's* long and flexible. (*My neck muscles & cervical vertebrae)
The video for The Motels' "Shame" is about a woman being psychically tortured by early 80's graphic and interior design.
(2 of 2) ...be funnier than W.C. Fields or Richard Pryor, or act better than Rylance. By all means try; also relax & have fun.
(1 of 2) You probably won't write a better book than MY ANTONIA, make a better movie than IKIRU, a better album than HONKY TONK HEROES...
"I'll analyze Wallace Stevens' 'Anecdote of the Jar' so hard your ASS will bleed, motherfucker!" -- @parisreview, After Dark
The worst adjective to put in front of "vagina" is still "pet-friendly."
"The 'Miss Utah' pod-agent has sent the coded message! Attack! Attack!" -- D'yoshht T'riil, Supreme War-wraith of the Phobos Fleet