Mr. Oswalt is a former wedding deejay from Northern Virginia.
If I can just make it to 9pm, New York, I'm gonna sleep the fuck out of this Saturday night. #jetlag
Really? The guy who animated my rant has LESS than 60 followers? This will not stand. Follow @izacless. HEAR ME, MINIONS!
Never forget: FRANKENSTEIN was written by a teenage girl on absinthe & DRACULA by an Irish dude who had a nightmare after eating bad crab.
RT @ShittingtonUK: If you're looking for something more obnoxious and smug than Abercrombie & Fitch, check out an anti-Abercrombie & Fitch …
RT @fakedansavage: Marriage equality comes to Minnesota -- because why should Marcus Bachmann be the only legally married gay man in the st…
Thanks @charstarlene for opening & everyone who came to the FAKE Gallery tonight. I WILL make the "casa sushi" joke work.
"'Pacific Rim', 'Lone Ranger', 'Man of Steel'. It's gonna be a good summer." -- porn re-titlers
RT @MrGeorgeWallace: Shout out to Chris Christie with the lap band surgery. Entire herds of cattle chipped in for that shit.
RT @blainecapatch: "goddammit, this fucking cape!" -- darth vader knocking over a whole display of orangina bottles at vons
"Leave the condiment area in a coffee shop cleaner than you found it." This needs to be the focus of Obama's 2nd term.
(2 of 2) ...then watched a girl elbow by him, rip open a Raw Sugar pack, get 1/2 in her cup, 1/2 on counter, drop packet on floor. #pigs