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Patton Oswalt
@pattonoswalt
Mr. Oswalt is a former wedding deejay from Northern Virginia.
"As you wish" -- Boba Fett, EMPIRE STRIKES BACK; Westley and The Grandfather, PRINCESS BRIDE
RT @grahamclark: Wife Swamp
"Scotch." "Performance tea." Why argue semantics? #Webbys
RT @jeffersongraham: On #TalkingYourTech, @pattonoswalt talks @redlettermedia, @parksandrecnbc and more. http://t.co/WCHk0z9Wjs
RT @BrianChurilla: I'm spending the afternoon working on something for @pattonoswalt. #underwraps #hushhush
RT @Splitsider: All the best moments from @PattonOswalt's Reddit AMA http://t.co/4M2guCfTfG
RT @shanenickerson: Kinda bummed that I haven't written a tweet funny enough to get @prodigalsam "inspired" yet.
I walked 10 blocks in NYC today which means I was in 20 Gaspar Noé short films today.
I still love you, @BarackObama 6, but your presidency has entered the "Russian dashboard camera" phase.
RT @TheWebbyAwards: TOMORROW! TOMORROW! Watch @pattonoswalt host the #webbys On Demand starting at 9am ET - http://t.co/hULYPH1T4e http://t…
"I'll give up my bicep tattoos when you have them laser removed from my cold, dead guns." #eh #Cminus #imtired
RT @NeilHamburger: Another sad day: when Ray opened his Spotify 2012 royalty check and it totalled $1.74. @Spotify: A very sad day for musi…
RT @ShittingtonUK: Inspirations… http://t.co/BIjpF9xiSP
RT @ShittingtonUK: "Daddy, are you cool?" "Haha! Isaiah, that's a rad question. Pause Veggie Tales and let's talk about the coolest guy who…
RT @glenna_opt: no YOU'RE taking a pregnancy test in an ihop bathroom
RT @ixSEANxi: @pattonoswalt @MichaelChiklis 8 “fool me once shame on you fool me twice goddammit more balls.”
Yeah, I'm RT'ing a lot of funny people. The news out of Oklahoma keeps getting worse so this is how I cope. Sorry. REDCROSS to 90999
RT @rachow: The key to staying thin is, instead of three regular meals, throw up six smaller meals throughout the day.
RT @charstarlene: "Time is so crazy. What is time? It passes and before you know it, you die alone," I said. "Your pizza isn't ready yet," …
RT @GerryDuggan: “The guy we’re after is real crafty.” - Jerry Orbach, standing over a vajazzled Law & Order victim
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