Rob Delaney
@robdelaney
Comedian, Writer, 6'3 217 lbs.
Watch my hour special ROB DELANEY LI1
.@MittRomney bro I bet you’ve pooped on some crazy comfortable toilets
Having a big beard but no mustache is an effective way to let people know you've killed a dog with a shovel.
I think I speak for all black people when I say that Paula Deen's butter-based diabetes delivery dishes are tastier than racism is "bad."
"There's more where that came from..." *points to pænnùs, smiles, falls down flight of stairs, transforms into loaf of bread with Steve Harv
.@Paula_Deen 5 fire your butter-gun up my ass-hoal #
Check how insanely funny @nickmullen is: http://t.co/y9uh2O0kB1
@Gagnon14 thanks!
RT @Paula_Deen 5: Take advantage of all of that fresh watermelon comin’ our way with this refreshing cooler at your next get-together! http:/…
RT @realDonaldTrump 70: Great to see @SarahPalinUSA 12 back on @FoxNews. She's a wonderful woman and commentator.
Halfway to my pilates class before I realized I'd put on my mom's jorts this morning.
I don't have a ruler, but I'd estimate the hair I just pulled out of my nostril was 23 feet long.
My special ROB DELANEY LIVE at the BOWERY BALLROOM is now available to stream on @netflix: http://t.co/JSpvzKvmHt UK & Canada too!
ROB DELANEY LIVE at the BOWERY BALLROOM is now available to stream on @netflix: http://t.co/JSpvzKvmHt Please RT! UK & Canada too!
RT @Purina: @neilhamburger Our products do not contain euthanized dogs or cats. Thanks.
We're partying pretty #hard. RT @robfee: Hey it's @robdelaney http://t.co/qzuuTfa5MA
RT @UNCLEHANKEY: @robdelaney no it shouldn't.
RT @NBA: $$$
The Cheesecake Factory's mascot should be a 400 lb. clown chasing a schoolbus with a bloody axe.
RT @stevewoz: I'm at Laugh Factory - @thelaughfactory for New Material With Kevin Nealon (Los Angeles, CA) http://t.co/2wgRCTdHuW
Not a joke: I'm about to do a set at the Laugh Factory & Steve Wozniak just rode up to the club on a Segway & sat in the 3rd row.
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