Comedian, Writer, 6'3 217 lbs.
Get my new game, War of Words, at ht1
Just saw a sassy neck tattoo on a lad in a coffee shop. http://t.co/ge0ReeTnhP
Whenever my black friends try to tell me about any issues they’re dealing with, I’m like “Hold up, Kemosabe; I saw ‘The Wire.’”
Turned out the chick with the bangin’ booty I brought home from the club last night was just rocking a super puffy diaper.
People who film things with an iPad in public have foul-smelling, misshapen genitals.
What’s next, the nerd who invented the microwave is gonna tell me to call my mom my dad? #NOBAMA
RT @NicCageMatch: If you run out of tampons you can just use a baby squid
.@PeTA My neighbour Sarah McLachlan is selling “pupcakes” (cupcakes made of puppy meat) out of her Subaru. What should I sing at her?
RT @PeterKnight71: Pretty sure Chris McCandless would not have had to go "Into The Wild" to discover his authentic self if there had been T…