Rob Delaney
@robdelaney
Comedian, Writer, 6'3 217 lbs.
Get my new game, War of Words, at ht1
.@MittRomney Thank you for signing into law the permanent ban of assault weapons in MA in 2004. You should be proud & campaign on that.
Trouble is most moms are too lazy. RT @NYMag: Gwyneth Paltrow Says Modeling Is ‘a Perfect Job for When You Have Kids’ http://t.co/JhOqEKlONE
Just saw a sassy neck tattoo on a lad in a coffee shop. http://t.co/ge0ReeTnhP
Whenever my black friends try to tell me about any issues they’re dealing with, I’m like “Hold up, Kemosabe; I saw ‘The Wire.’”
RT @GQMagazine: What 10 things can't @RobDelaney live without? The 10 Essentials: http://t.co/3luUvPQb5T
RT @cal50: @weedguy420boner years ago at a grocery store i worked at some disgruntled customer filled all the toilet tanks with our package…
Turned out the chick with the bangin’ booty I brought home from the club last night was just rocking a super puffy diaper.
RT @kimchiandkraut: @robdelaney do you like my cool lil pig eraser?? http://t.co/oU1ZAInlYK
People who film things with an iPad in public have foul-smelling, misshapen genitals.
RT @Rika_Ryan: Had to be rushed to the hospital because I choked on food while laughing from playing @robdelaney's board game http://t.co/6…
.@MittRomney 294 Have you thought about doing a podcast?
Jahar-Jahar Binks?
You’re a soft G, bro.
I wear makeup.
What’s next, the nerd who invented the microwave is gonna tell me to call my mom my dad? #NOBAMA
RT @NicCageMatch: If you run out of tampons you can just use a baby squid
.@PeTA My neighbour Sarah McLachlan is selling “pupcakes” (cupcakes made of puppy meat) out of her Subaru. What should I sing at her?
RT @PeterKnight71: Pretty sure Chris McCandless would not have had to go "Into The Wild" to discover his authentic self if there had been T…
.@ZacEfron 28 my wife got her 3rd late fine this month from the library .i can’t live this way. wanna grab a yogurt?
RT @meganamram 14: .@MNightShyamalan ***PLEASE RT*** LOST MASKING TAPE: https://t.co/RJi2kOUD2k
United States
India
United kingdom
Canada
Australia
Brazil




