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Rob Delaney
@robdelaney
Comedian, Writer, 6'3 217 lbs.
Watch my hour special ROB DELANEY LI1
.@MittRomney Will Obama’s ShariaCare require all women to become “Octomoms for Mohammed”? A Chick-fil-A nugget told me it would. #KONY2012
I think a lot of people touting CBO report that immigration reform will reduce deficit are forgetting that many immigrants have brown skin.
RT @Fred_Delicious: "sir, can i ask why you're smoking TWO huge blunts?" "officer, I'm..." *turns to camera* "double jointed" *cop starts breakdancing*
Huge backlash to my pro-ham tweets from women in the Muslim & Jewish communities. Please know I keep a ham-free home & bed chamber ;)
RT @redsarahead: ATTN: @robdelaney ANSWERED MY QUESTION ABT VICE& DID A DAMN FINE JOB OF IT! http://t.co/BTEKXOSte9
What if Forrester and Nemo *found each other?* #BENGHAZI
Delicious. RT @Glinner: Russell Brand CRUCIFIES a team of dullards. http://t.co/gRmY13xWPx
No one touch my penis for the next 20 minutes I'm doing an experiment.
Yup. RT @Ben_Allison: @robdelaney is it gonna be available in the U.K, homeslice??
100% different hour. RT @utcobb: @robdelaney is this the same material I will see next week in Birmingham?
My hour special "Rob Delaney Live at the Bowery Ballroom" will be back up on @netflix tomorrow. Put it in your Q: http://t.co/JSpvzKvmHt
"Life is like a box of chocolates; sometimes you get AIDS." - #wrongfilmquotes
🐮 #EDINBURGH Scot-Land • Please to attend my comedy show: https://t.co/ZVmyAmtRYJ
I just saw the VICE female author suicide fashion show and had a hearty LOL. I say this as a mentally ill person under a doctor's care.
RT @sophia_salmassi: .@robdelaney Hey, my man @innerglee is looking for a comedy/sitcom writing partner near Cardiff UK - could you RT plea…
My newest tweets are inspired by a Le Corbusier lamp.
RT @justinbieber 49: sometimes u just wanna go to a comedy club and have a laugh. no trouble. just want to laugh.
Whenever I take a "selfie," I make sure there's a plate with some ham on it in the background so women know I can afford ham.
RT @EntertainTell: Whatever happened to that @robdelaney special on @netflix instant? - EntertainmentTell http://t.co/kCRfNNHQs7 @technolog…
Another reason you #teens should be nice to me is that I could afford to buy you & your whole "crew" lunch at Chipotle with my pocket $.
Whenever a teen insults me, I "put them on blast" by saying "Glad I'm not a teen, you're awfully mean!" Then they cry and cry forever.
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