Comedian, Writer, 6'3 217 lbs.
Buy my book, ROB DELANEY: Mother. Wif1
If you post a photo online in which I look fat, I will have your account deleted what the hell Is wrong with you poeple
For many #teens, scrolling through my Twiter feed is the closest thing they have to a father.
I think my life started going down the toilet when I was at a Dodgers game in 1994 & they aimed the kiss-cam at me & my dad.
Well if I’m a virgin, why does my hymen look like this? *drops pants, everyone in zip code goes blind, Obama’s cries audible to Mars Rover*
If you’re under 18 I need to see a permission slip from your parents before you RT me. It’s about respect & God’s will. “Humor” comes 2nd.
RT @britmarling: A well guarded secret doesn't hurt u in the moment it's uncovered. It gets u days later. When u r testing the ripeness of …
If you bottled the fake anger people on Twitter “feel” over the Shia Labeouf/Daniel Clowes incident, you could power a nothing.
More like PAL Rudd! His delightful, everyman persona sets me immediately at ease when I see him In a cinema film!
Just did a fart that smells exactly like the algae that has plagued King’s Beach in Lynn, MA for generations.
Laugh all you want at my Coldplay CDs, youngblood; I made your girlfriend squirt.
Is it tacky to announce that my book just went into a 4th printing? *Brought to you by http://t.co/E9sFglhLHL*