I give medicinal cocaine to baby animals
your jangling sleigh bell suspenders tell me exactly what kind of asshole I'm dealing with
Reminder: If your baby does NOT have pierced ears, it will not be on my 2014 calendar
Prolly not gonna use the hotel phone next to my toilet because of the old "phone-toilet-brush" prank
i bet you are dating the guy who, when someone takes a sip of eggnog cracks "that's not eggnog!!"
Dear Cialis, please cast me in a commercial to initiate a gentle 3-way with a handsome older couple
Giddy-up Jingle Horse pick up your feet. Unless you can moonwalk, cuz that'd also be cool.
I think it's bullshit to kick a guy out of the Mommy and Me nap class because I don't have a kid
Tell someone you have a groin injury and watch how little sympathy you get
Me and my dog like to put on that Christmas song of the dogs barking and look into each other's eyes