I make your seats vibrate.
Going so crazy in the club right now that they just put an orange sign beside me that said 'Men At Twerk'.
I just put my legs up in bed and an M&M came rolling down towards. God as my witness, I knew it was a tarantula. My heart hurts. I'm old.
Dear iPhone, Stop changing "put" to "out" and "well" to "we'll" or I will break you. I will smash you into pieces.
It's such an amazing honor to be nominated for another Grammy. Very proud. Now it's time to rock San Francisco!
I want to create t-shirts that say "Bawler" or "Bawling on a budget" and sell them at hot topic. Would also sell idea to The Cure for merch.
Instead of the death penalty, they should just give criminals red wine hangovers every day.
I just got called a f*ggot by the trashiest girl I've ever met for having pierced ears I had done 10yrs ago. TX makes me miss TN.
At a piano bar in Houston. Things are getting out of hand. Just took a Jell-O shot with a 52 year old woman in a zebra print cowgirl hat.
Don't be embarrassed Mr. Urinal. Most people have that reaction when I dump it out. http://t.co/39jgl25sLo
That new star button on twitter mobile is too easy to accidentally hit. I want peeps thinking I'm too busy cashing checks to favorite tweets
I just made Crown & Diet flavored chicken nachos (drinking crown & diet while the nachos are in my mouth) What have you done w/ your life?
Also, looking for somewhere that sells Steve Harvey suits and (fingers crossed) @realDonaldTrump ties. Awards season is around the corner.
Does anybody know of a Sears or JCPenny in the Houston area? Gonna be there for Thanksgiving. Looking for some Black Friday deals.
The Seahawks officially have the fastest offensive lineman ever on Madden. http://t.co/av0EOcCOl5